I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
