i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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