That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
