so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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