So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
