I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize