Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
