dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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