What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
