Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
