I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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