i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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