also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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