on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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