These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
