I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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