im six kinds of drunk right now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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