i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
