found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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