...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Let's get the cat blown out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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