You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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