remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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