peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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