I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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