I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
