I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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