She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
