Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
