ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
