she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
