So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
