I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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