Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think my mom watched the whole time
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
