Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
