he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
