I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I smell stomach acid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
