i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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