Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
