we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
