Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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