The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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