He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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