am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
