my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
