Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
