just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
