got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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