STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
