I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
