she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
