arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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