dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
