i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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