Umm I'm too high to move.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
