It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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