It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
