If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
