i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
ugly people sure do ruin things
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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