thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
