Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
