took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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