btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
