why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize