was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
