its not stalking. its research.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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