I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
