Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
