I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
