You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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