I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
