I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
