Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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