So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
