No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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