i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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