i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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